I finally realize that there is a difference between being in control and being in charge. And I am learning, but this is where I am now-
I have spent a great deal of my life trying to be in control, forcing things into place, keeping things in order, sometimes keeping people in order, and failing, or even worse, succeeding for a time, then failing. It is not the nature of the world to be in control. You cannot keep a moving thing still. You cannot force a changing thing to make only the changes you would like it to make. We don't have control, it's not for us to have. The Universe, God Itself doesn't even have control. God is the movement of things moving of their own accord in accordance with some aspect of the whole. It does not determine the movement, it just allows for it. It opens space in any direction. It makes room for growth and it is the growing, but we have choices and the direction of the growth and the seeds we plant are not determined. They are for us to determine.
It is for us to take charge, not of the world, but of ourselves, of our own choices, of the seeds we have planted and the seeds we nurture, of the movements we make, of the manifesting of ourselves as we are now. We can look around at our lives and see what is here, we can breath inside ourselves and notices some things and know that those things are not to be constricted or controlled, but that we can show up and make choices about what needs attention, what needs nurturing, what needs support and how to get that support.
It is showing up for ourselves and being responsive to ourselves. It is the difference between being an attentive parent, one who listens and responds, and being a controlling parent, one who maps out ideals on living things and shames them for not matching up. You can be an attentive parent to yourself. You can show up and make choices in this moment, without silencing any bit of you but being in conversation with your self and making a choice about how you want to be. Taking responsibility for what is there, who you are now, and planting the seeds of who you want to be, intention by affirmed intention, then choice by self-loving choice; this is taking charge. And it is gentle as water. It is not fixed and harsh, it is patient and movable and attentive. It is built on a commitment of self love, instead of fear and self hate. Be easy friend. Always be easy with yourself. Be soft and open and allowing like the Universe. Always expanding, always making space for you to be as large as you please, and to move intentionfully, wherever you will.
