Humanly lovable like you

Tonight I am going to bed feeling blessed and lucky that I am myself and so Well loved. Thank you, to whomever it applies, for loving me. I feel it so deeply tonight. It soothes me more than I can express and I am so grateful for your loving. I feel So truly gently unquestionably loved, as I am. And I know it is not for lack of being known in my humanness.
I know that many of you know, and I want all of you to know in fact, so that you may know me better, and never think me better or more perfect than the imperfectly lovable being I am, that I do, have, and do, struggle with an eating disorder.

Some days are harder than others but your love heals me and makes all days easier and for it, on every day I am grateful. And so, on Facebook, the virtual land of concealed flaws, best shots, perfect angles, and selfies depicting our perfect selves i vulnerably offer you this, my self as I am, skin and bones, and unfortunately, as I am sure you've noticed, in some pictures quite literally.
Eating disorders are not disorders of vanity. For me at least it is a struggle with my sense of deserving a place on this earth and feeling safe to exist here. It's a strange and complicated disorder that is more than some teenage fantasy for a smaller and smaller dress size. It is an anxiety over the fact of existence, a question of one's worthiness to take in resources and participate in the flow of life at all.
When you love me you invite me into the flow of life, you affirm that I am not only worthy but welcome on this earth. Your love heals me in ways I am not yet able to express.
So if you know anyone who suffers from any trouble of heart or disorder of mind or body, and dear friends, who does not? Love them, love them hard, but softly- you know how I mean, incessantly, endlessly, but with great slack and understanding. Love truly is the only healing force on this earth. By love alone, we live.