Saturday, September 14, 2013

Maybe...

Think of something you want for yourself, some experience or circumstance in this life that now seems so distant and unimaginable that it feels impossible. Envision it as real as you can make it, and happier than you dared to imagine it before and consider saying "maybe." It starts with "Maybe." "Maybe" is your unlocked door. 

So often we shame ourselves for not having the doors of the heart flung open. We don't allow ourselves all the tiny in betweens of readiness.

"Maybe" undoes the deadbolt. The heart becomes a bit more ready to hold more joy than you thought possible, and one day, still more than that. I wish endless, and as yet, unimaginable joys to each of us, as we are ready and willing to receive them. May they come gently and over the course of time, so that our hearts may slowly grow in capacity to receive and fully enjoy it all.

Today, my prayer: May all of your "not possibles" ease-fully soften into "maybes." Rest there for a moment. Breathe into the stretch to create the space within to allow just slightly more joy than our minds can conceive of and our hearts can hold. Let us be expanded slowly, gently, in a widening and deepening joy that makes us larger and more expansive, slowly, in time.

Monday, September 2, 2013

welcome to this day

Some mornings I wake before the sun, so she too could know the feeling of opening her wide gaze on a brightness that welcomes her back. Let's all take turns holding the light, quietly standing guard through the darkness, and meeting each other joyfully at dawn. Today, my turn. Welcome to this day.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

The Garbage Men

I am watching the garbage men drive backwards, taking everything we discard, without hesitation or judgement, into the wide mouth of the truck; taking everything we don't want away from us. It must take courage to handle all the things about which we say... "not mine;" to take it and give it a place to be. There is a kindness and beauty in collecting trash. If there is a place for the discarded tin cans, there must be a place on this earth for me too.

May the garbage men back down the narrow, one-way, suburban streets of my spirit and collect everything that is done; all the hollow things that just take up space. Universe, swallow up my useless in your gaping mouth, and make it useful somewhere. Let it lead forward to new things that give pleasure to someone, somewhere. Let everything I am and everything I leave behind become something beautiful and useful. Let nothing be meaningless trash. Let everything be made beautiful again, in time.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

This is my prayer

This is my prayer to the universe today- When I am ready, Let it be.  Let me glow like a candle speaking light to light that is pretending to be the darkness.  And then, when I meet myself there, let me shine like the sun speaking light to every star, little lights shining brightly in their own orbits. And let me be the moon reflecting my own radiance back to me, so that I can keep my own way lit when I can't find myself.  So that I can lose and find and lose and find myself again with every healing and breaking of the day. Without terror of the dark. Knowing the way. And so that I can fall in love with the light I see reflecting back at me from me. And the light I see in you, that I needed to see in me first and endlessly in order to recognize it anywhere else. Let me be the Narcissist who has become aware of the extent of her own being, far-reaching, soft and simple like Whitman's grass. Let me stretch softly out of darkness.  In my time.  Taller and brighter and more wide-spreading than I have the courage to imagine. And let me do it Softly.  Gently.  The way light touches things. Guide me to me.   To make the beauty of everything, and myself, more visible. The way the sun or kindness does, just by being itself. When I am ready, Let it be.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Who do you love?

I received this text from a dear friend from college: "Was thinking of you in yoga today. We did a meditation and the teacher said to see a woman you love and i saw you." Close your eyes now, think of someone you love, and go tell them... go tell them that when asked, you see them. I assure you, it will mean the world to them. And trust, if asked, yours would be the face that would light the darkness of someone's closed eyes. You are someone's light. I have just closed my eyes, and I was blessed to see so many faces, more than I can reach out to right now, please know, yours was probably one of them. Each of you are in my heart and light my darkness.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Rise

Birds aren't born knowing how to fly. A part of them knows they can, but they have to learn how. They try, they fall, they try. Trust in what has been enfolded in you, trust in the winds. One day, you'll rise into what you were intended for, just don't stop trying. Gather your courage, and keep returning, over and over. I'll gather my courage too. I will meet you there and one day, we will celebrate our coming into our own, together.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Poof!

Second revelation of the day:
When you realize you are feeling and in your mind actually say to yourself "I am feeling" it frees you from being unconsciously controlled by the feeling. Try this the next time you notice anxiety rising up, "I am feeling." Poof- myth of terrifying, supposedly overwhelming emotion is broken. A part of you snuck out from your feeling and can see it from the outside. Look into the emotion and say I see you ! And you'll feel the light go on inside and the monster in the closet was just a little part of you playing dress up or hide and go seek. Not scary at all. Sweet. Almost silly. Go, try! Tell me how it goes.

Kindness

So I just noticed something, and I want to share it with all of you, because for me this is a huge revelation. This morning, I did something really kind for myself.  It was something very small, but something I knew I would really appreciate. And almost immediately after offering that kindness to myself, I felt the way it feels when a muscle finally relaxes, but it was my spirit that was relaxing.  It was as if energy was freed up inside of me, and now I had more energy.  And without hesitation, the energy manifested as loving energy toward others.  My mind started to think of some of my dearest students and friends, and I thought of each of them with love and appreciation, and couldn't help but send loving energy their way. When I offered myself love, it filled me and flowed out of me to those around me, effortlessly, naturally. The way water fills a glass or the day flows into night. Like a heart beat. Love is natural and effortless and abundant. And it all opened up when I offered myself a little kindness. 

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Happy Fathers' Day

To my father, the man who allowed me to discover the strength and beautiful in my vulnerability while he created a safe world for me and held the roof beams and lifted them higher and higher, to accommodate me. How weak his arms must have felt, must feel, to hold every unkind thing far from me for years, so I could grow to believe in a world that is kind. And all the while, higher and higher he lifts the roof beans, and calls me higher and higher, in my time. Happy Fathers' Day to the man who says I stand on his shoulders & believes I can touch the sun. Thank you for creating a loving world for me, until I was able to create it for myself. I love you.

This Day

I am so excited for this day! I can't wait to see what will happen. Who will I see? Who will call to me, and throw their arms around me? What little blessings are tucked within the 24 folds? Let's unwrap each hour in its time, when it's ready. I want to share each one with you. Come sit with me today. Let's be each other's blessing. Let our shared breath be our prayer of gratitude for our shared breath. See you soon.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Time to Grow

Time to recommit. I promise I will keep showing up and guiding you with all of my heart. Meet me there. In that place where we struggle, release from struggle, and overcome together. Meet me in the place that brought us together, and keeps bringing us together, to inspire ourselves and each other, and ourselves again. I hear you, universe. Time to grow. I see all the rain... time to grow. Time to be more of myself than I have ever been. Time to go deeper and surprise and inspire myself. Let's stretch out and reach out and extend out, together. Meet me on the mat. Let's take it to the next level.

Friday, May 24, 2013

A blessing

After offering an impromptu guided mediation in my meditation class at the JCC, a recently widowed woman came to me and said, "You made me hopeful." She gave me a hug and whispered in my ear, "I hope God hears you." She leaned back, took my hands and said, "I hope He hears you." And once more, "I hope God hears you." She said it three time, as if she was calling God's attention. Calling God to be aware of me, of what I said, of what I offered her. All I could do was kiss her hands. I know a blessing when I receive one; what else was I to do but thank the soft hands that offered it to me? This is my job. This is what I do for a living. Try to tell me that I am not blessed. What more can God offer me that she did not offer me in that moment? Tell me, was it not enough that her ears heard? Wasn't it enough that a hopeless woman found hope in my words? Where wasn't God in all of this? God was in my meditation, the words I spoke in the moment with the love I held in my heart, and God was in her heart, opening it to receiving, and the possibility of hoping. Where wasn't God? He/She/It heard. And spoke. And wrapped arms around me, and whispered, and kissed hands that offered a blessing.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Yoga Teachers with bellies and other impermissible things

To those who know me, it is clear that I am thin. “Too thin,” I have been told. Well, it’s been said that opinions are like noses… everyone has one.  But what is true is that when I eat a large meal, and I frequently do… you can see the expansion of my belly.  It gives my body a strange misshapen form.

 I am frequently ashamed of how much I eat.  I have always been a kind of binge eater, a great lover of feeling full to the brim. I think I eat so much so I don’t feel empty, lonely, hollow.  Well, I am ashamed, I am ashamed of eating a head of cauliflower, a head of broccoli, 2 bouquets of kale, a head of bok choy, 2 cucumbers, 2 bundles of celery, and 3 bell peppers in one sitting.  I am ashamed of my need to feel full, of my fear of feeling empty and lonely.  I am ashamed of being human and vulnerable. 

And then when I do eat so much, my belly bulges terribly. And then I can’t hide my shame. Everyone sees. And I try to cover it up with bigger shirts and cute yoga teacher scarves… but I am sure I can’t hide my brokenness. I am sure all eyes are staring at my protruding belly and judging. What can I say?  I am human.

I don’t know if I am right or wrong, I don’t know if I am whole or broken, I don’t know if I actually look as terrible as I feel I do, or if it is entirely in my mind.  What I do know is, protruding belly or no, packed full of veggies, or hollow as an empty waste bucket, I need to be loved.  I just need to be loved. However I am. 

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Flowers on Hylan Blvd.

My skin wanted to feel sunshine and my legs wanted movement so I went for a walk and found myself in a flower shop, and found myself in a different world, or rather, more awake in this world. And I remembered. I remembered that beauty was free, and worth stopping for, so I stopped. I gazed at the faces of flowers and they gazed back and we adored each other and drank the sun like wine, and smiled. And I am sure I seemed drunk because I couldn't stop smiling. Even at all the scowling people, looking un-amused at price-tags and wilted petals. I wanted to lift their faces to the sun. I wanted to run and dance and sing to the yellows and purples and blues that surrounded us. I wanted to share my joy at finding beauty, here, on Hylan Blvd, in a place I pass so frequently, that I forgot to look, until I remembered, today. 

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Wonder

I tell you the truth friends, I don't know. I don't know what's happening, where we are heading, why I do what I do, or how, but I know something powerful, beautiful, kind and magnificent is guiding me, and it feels too amazing to ever stop. As if I could ever stop the beating of my heart that speaks "yes, yes, yes,' or that courageous river coursing through my body that makes me softer. Universe, make me softer, so that when you meet me, you feel my willing heart and see eyes so soft they hold you like a child holds a delicate thing- with wonder and gentleness. I am a child holding a delicate thing. I want to show you. Come, see. I don't know what it is. Let's wonder at it, together.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Thank You

I so rarely know exactly what it is that I am thankful for, I just keep finding myself wanting to say "thank you," over and over. To everyone I meet, to every green, alive thing I pass, to every experience I find myself in, thank you. I wish I could tie it to my heartbeat so every beat speaks, "thank you," over and over, to everything, throughout my life, so I am sure everything feels my gratitude.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Toward Freedom

I am grateful for the shake-ups, the mess-ups, the unexpected words from unexpected people at the wrong time.   I am grateful for having the same experience and experiencing it differently. What almost broke me is air now; soft and how ever I choose to shape it.

What I am saying is, I am not the person I was then.  I am more present and more alive and safer and surer.   And I am more practiced at living.  I have practiced the experience of living and I know how Unbreakable I  am. And I have come to rest in my broken places too.

It is a joy to be reminded of how far I have come from where I have been.  All you can do is shake up emotions in me.  And I am less afraid of them now. I know the air-truth of them now- what ever I make it.

Now,  with  my firm roots on this earth I get to grow tall and sway.  I get to shimmy in the returning light and I can root deeper in the storms.

I am not afraid to feel.  I am not afraid to feel because I have felt before I knew I was feeling.   I thought the feeling was real and I had no choice   Now I know. It's air and it's sun or it's lack of sun but I am still growing and I am firm in my place.

You can't see, but my roots reach the Atlantic. There is no end to the nourishment I receive. I am free of the choices you'd make for me.  I am free to stay rooted deep in my body.

My body: The place given to me in order to experience the warm, dark, nourishing earth.  And I know now the gift of it all.

 I know the gift of the darkness is moving through the darkness.  And I know that darkness is not the absence of anything but instead the invitation to find out how brightly and endlessly we are able to Shine.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

For Jade, my cat, who passed away today...


When something dies it blows open the doors of the heart and everything rushes out and everything rushes in.
 
Then we are left with a choice:

Leave the doors open, find the courage to love even more, and let it all move and flow through you.   
Or run frantically from door to door and lock them and bolt them and barricade them with more force than you ever have before.  As if the storm is coming.

But the storm is the flow of life.  What is now “storm,” you have called “blessings,” “miracle,” “joy.”  
You can’t lock one out without locking it all out.  And some people never unlock the doors again.

I choose to stay open, I choose to love and keep loving. I don’t have it in me to fight life. I need to open these doors and leave a welcome mat at every threshold of every door of my heart.  I need to love even more now because I want to feel life move through me, and I want a safe, kind, welcoming place inside of me for my soul to rest.

And when you meet me, I want to welcome you. In my heart, I want everything to feel at home. I want you to feel safe and comfortable. As if you were long awaited and have joyfully arrived.

Jade, in every room of my heart, welcome home. In every room of every heart, at the center of the heart of the universe, welcome home. Whenever I welcome anything in, I am now welcoming you, whenever I love anything, I am now loving you, and whenever I find a soft place in someone else’s heart, I now take you with me, to rest beside me there. Let’s rest beside each other at the center of all loving, and love and be loved endlessly there. I’ll meet you there, endlessly. I love you, little one. Time to rest now. Time to rest in peaceful love, wherever it is found, everywhere.  

Sunday, April 7, 2013

(Re)Commit to Yourself

I want you to know how excited I am to offer two yoga series (see facebook posts - https://www.facebook.com/RevCarolynDeVito), at Time for Yoga & The Body House. It means so much to me to watch my students develop and build a strong foundation in their practice because I personally know the amazing benefits of yoga and I truly want to help others to experience the benefits as well. I want you to feel peaceful, even in the moments when peace seems impossible. I want you to have practiced experiencing peace, even when circumstances are challenging.

Find peace in plank pose, as I offer you encouragement and support, and if you can find it there, maybe you can find it when things get challenging off the mat as well. Maybe you will have taken a bit of the support and encouragement I have offered with you.

There is no limit to you. You are capable of so much. I have seen you come into poses that you thought were impossible, and you came into them because you kept showing up, and kept trying, and kept believing in yourself. Imagine what you will be able to achieve after believing in yourself and showing up for yourself every week for 6 or 7 weeks. Let's surprise ourselves.

Let's practice meeting each challenge with peace in our hearts until no challenge can shake the peace we have found, because through experience, we have come to believe in the power within ourselves, and proven our ability to face and overcome and rise above, each time, over and over.

Let each challenge be an opportunity for you to become more than you thought you could be. Let's grow together. It's Spring, everything is growing now. It's time to grow. Together.
This Saturday 10:15am at The Body House and May 6th Monday 6:30pm at Time for Yoga. I'll meet you there.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

love is everything

Every atom of you is made of love, all the spaces between the atoms- love. Everything vibrates the energy of love. Simple, joyful love. There is nothing that is not love. So go ahead, try to be unlovable. It's impossible. Here I am, still drawn to your side, wanting to hug you, to help you remember.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Peaceful Love: Marriage Equality


Are we trying to win the battle or end the fight? I know how easy it is to get triggered.   I know the seduction of winning the argument and proving them wrong.  I know the wild, free, uncontainable feeling of screaming in the streets.  But I also know that it scares my spirit.  It hurts my soft soul.  I don't want to fight.

I want to love.  Softly, peacefully, quietly.  We can call our anger by the name of love but the heart knows.  It knows that a hand held in silence is more powerful and more true than any battle cry. 

Consider disengaging from the fight. Rise above the endless struggle. Just love more.  Love deeper.  Love whenever and whoever and however you are able to love. Love the way the sun shines its light. Let it touch whatever it can reach. Let it fill the trenches in the heart.  Let it blur the lines we have drawn around and through ourselves. 

Love heals the brokenness and makes us whole. We need to feel whole. Human. Simply and uncontainably human. Equally, lovably, vulnerably human. Because that's the truth of us.  That's just what we are.  

We are angry & hurting, I know. I know because I feel it too. And that's how we feel when we are feeling less than the simple,  complicated and endlessly beautiful human beings that we are. 

But the fighting won't soothe us.  War never led to peace & we need peace alongside our love.  

Offer it to yourself.  Love your insatiable love and find peace in it. Just Love. Not in spite of them, not to show them, but simply because that is what our soft hearts are asking for- to love and be loved.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Come out and play

In the span of everything, you won't happen twice. Not like this, in this way. So show the world what you are made of, show them your heart, speak your vision, because if you don't, the world will never know what it could have been if you had chosen to show up. And the people around you will never know how much of you there was to love. And I want to know. I want to love the truth of you. Come out of you. Show me.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Heartbeat

I want to share something with you- 
Stop for a moment and place your hands over your heart. Feel the vibration of your own heart beating. We share this, and there is no way to share this. It is yours uniquely, and it is mine uniquely, but together, we share this experience. This is the simplicity of connection. This is the truth of us. Peaceful, simple, clear. Beyond words. Peacefully the same and gloriously different. Thank you for sharing this life with me.

Friday, March 15, 2013

For Today, On any day

I hope that you make a really nice day for yourself. Take every opportunity to be kind to yourself. Let's choose the experience we want to have and indulge in our ability to offer it to ourselves. 

And you may say, "Today, I want to win the lottery!" Or, "Today, I want to be on the beach in the Caribbean!" But I know you hear the little voice in your heart. And like mine, today, like everyday, we are just asking to love and be loved. You have the blessing of experiencing both at once, toward yourself, always. Start there. 

Ask yourself, "What would be nice, right now?" And see if you are willing to do what you can, for you. Maybe it is as simple as a cup of tea, or a re-positioning of your body to be more comfortable. Love is simple like that, and you are so deserving of that kindness. I wish it for you, for us. Today, let's honor ourselves, together.

Keep moving

Hey, I want you to know, I see you struggling through your struggle, and I think you are doing beautifully. Spring is coming. All the tiny sprouts are gaining strength by slowly, patiently moving through that thick dark earth. They instinctively move through the darkness toward the sunlight that they have never seen. Trust, you are heading in the direction of unimaginable light. Keep moving, little one. Something in you knows the way.

Aum Shanti

I spent the afternoon chanting "aum shanti" with a gentleman who had experienced a series of stokes that have left him with limited capacity. "Aum shanti" is his favorite chant and today we got a good rhythm, and he started clapping and stomping and shouting... "aum shanti aum shanti." Over and over. For those who are unfamiliar with the chant, it is a chant for peace, for peace that surpasses understanding. It is a kind of affirmation that everything in existence is an expression of a peace that surpasses comprehension. And together we shouted for peace, we stomped for peace, we clapped for peace and then we whispered for peace. And I told him, "if you want to rest I will continue, just rest and enjoy the vibration." So when he grew tired, he mouthed the words, and I gave them sound. Peace, peace beyond words. Peace that is softer than even the idea of peace. I whispered peace to him as the snow fell and he rested his eyes.

Lovably flawed

Yesterday, I bought a plate in a thrift shop and chipped it as I was washing it for the first time. I was so angry at myself. So ashamed of my inability to have a proper clasp on a slippery thing. And I had wished that I had broken it entirely, so I wouldn't have to face it over and over. 

Today, I remind myself, flawed things are still lovable. There is a freedom in allowing the flaws to be there. A freedom comes when you stop fighting them and hiding them in the back of your kitchen cabinets. There is a freedom in loving yourself through your imperfection. So it turns out that I am still lovable, even with fumbling slippery hands and a new, freshly chipped plate. Thank goodness. Because I need to be loved.

A Reminder

When I was little I used to spin around really really fast until I got dizzy and then hurl myself in the direction of soft couch cushions and wait for the spinning to stop, then jump up and do it again. I think I still do that, but now I call it living and sometimes I forget to enjoy it. Today I remember- This is all for the fun of it.

For the hard times...

With any rough patch you are going through, remember, you have probably come through moments that were harder than this. And if you haven't, if this is the hardest yet, then you have the opportunity to grow into more than you have ever been before. In order to meet the challenge, you have the opportunity to be stronger than you have ever known yourself to be. And everything that comes after won't seem as daunting. You are capable of overcoming so much. Honor your power and your strength and know you are not alone. I am here, sending love and support.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Translations

I don't write. I translate.  I communicate energy through words. 
I use words like conductors to bring the energy through. Or like made rivers to let it flow. 

 Most of the time I am bringing through the energy of love.  

For a long time, every sentence was a trench. Not a river, but a line of defense to hide behind and to hold it all back.  

Now I want to use every word in the service of my loving. Mold. Feces.  Love.  Love me.  I'm here. Yes, even here.  And look.  There you are.  Right beside me. 

Everywhere, every word.  I love you. Yes,  I still love you. Even in that place that you are sure no one should see.

  I'll meet you there. Or we can go together.  You can show me the way  to a new part of us to love.  And I'll translate, to make it softer.  I'll use the trench as a river and send water to the deserts in your spirit. I'll make it easier to live there. I'll make it safer and softer.  So we can stop the fighting and finally come to rest. 

Saturday, March 2, 2013

To my students, with love & gratitude -

I can't explain it except to say, I fall in love every time I teach a yoga class. 

I fall in love with the human spirit.  Its softness, its impulse toward self protection and self care, its impulse toward pushing forward and growing, its stumbling, its falling out of tree pose and head-shaking tongue-clicking disappointment and trying to rush back in again.. over and over.  Or the giving up and being still, and knowing, "not today."  I love the hopeful effort and the "probably not, but I'll try," and I watch you try,and I cheer for you, whether you succeed or not, I cheer for your trying. I love the "my god, I did it." I love the "nope, still can't do it." I love your serious faces when I ask you to "shake your branches in the breeze." Like pretending to be a tree was to be taken very very seriously, and to fall short of proper tree-ness was not something to be taken lightly.  And I love the "ahh finally" sigh  when I guide you into deep relaxation. Or the "oh god this better not be too long, please let her talk me through" and the "why is she still talking, I want to be quiet." What I am trying to say is.. you, each of you, every one of the people that have unfolded their mats in front of me, have been some of the most endearing and amazing people I have ever met.  


In the course of a class we have shared a whole range of experiences, from dread to relief, from disappointment to hope, and we have built sacred trust. I do not take it lightly. I am moved. 


I have seen you fall and I have watched you lift.  I have seen you rest and I have seen you struggle through. And I have experienced it all by your side.   I too have fallen out of tree pose and looked around to see if anyone noticed. I too have said, no, my body will never enter that pose, and I too have wondered if I was any less for not being able to enter it.  I too wondered if I was lovable even in my fumbling falling-short of expectations.  You are... and there are no expectations.  I am merely here offering possibilities for experiences.  Trust, you will have the perfect experience for you if you honor yourself. It is your body that is your teacher, it is your spirit that guides you, I merely offer suggestions. I merely stand in the front of the room and watch as you unfold yourself, and follow the path that your spirit takes you on. And I look on in awe.  And I learn, and I share the space of growth, and I get inspired. 


I hope you are inspiring yourselves.  Because every time you show up, you show up for you.  Every time I show up, I show up for me.  And some how, we meet each other. If we go deep enough within ourselves, we find each other.  I have found you all deep within me, I recognize the light we share.  And I want you to know. You are amazing and I am more amazing for you being a part of my life. Thank you. 


Thank you for sharing the experience, and thank you for the trust that you have placed in me as you allow me to guide you through. You are my blessing.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

New posts coming soon... get ready! Also, about to launch a new website.  I look forward to sharing it all with you.