to you, guru

The true guru is "one who dispels the darkness of ignorance" by revealing the God(dess) that dwells within all things. To anyone who even for one moment revealed the majesty of their own or another's existence, I bow to you with gratitude and wish you a HAPPY GURU POORNIMA.
May we all be reminded, and may we all remember.
May we all alight with love and awaken to the fact that we all know more than we know.
"What gods do you believe in? I'll build you a temple of mirrors so you can see them. Pick the brightest star you've ever wished on. I'll show you the light in you that made that wish come true." -Andrea Gibson,"Blue blanket"

bouquets

A mason jar bouquet is usually enough for aching loneliness to recreate itself back to god, or love, or whatever you'd like to call it.
But to be sure, here are a few more.
Flowers grow and so we may distribute them to the dead to bring them back to life, to call them from whatever caves in which they've taken rest, sometimes for years.

Or grow so that we can bring them as blessings to the living, when their heart is celebrating or aching, but we don't know the words so we bring them from where ever things come from and hope their meaning is understood.
These grew for you.
I found them and knew all the colors were meant to show you that you were loved by something breathtaking and unfathomable and essentially a part of you.
I want you to believe in what makes them grow and that it makes you grow the same, and in their beauty and your beauty the same, and that there is no exception. I felt sure I wanted to bring you armfuls. And don't you know ? It took all the earth and sky and sun and mystery of being and courage of loving and trust enough to draw near enough to anything to bring me here, to you, with these. So here, I suppose we made these together, you and I and everything; and I think they turned out beautifully. I think we should be proud. I wanted you to see how lovely you are, and we all can be, together. We are still all together, you know. I guess I just wanted you to know, so I picked these for you.

Shamu the devotee

The hopeful soul, sitting to meditate the hour
with the hope of resolution
is like Shamu the whale venturing out of SeaWorld
expecting that the Ocean will be similarly impressed and responsive to her well preformed trick.

Maybe.

Go, venture out to your untamed oceanic wilderness and sit, lovely lotus girl,
with your beads whitefinger-firm-pressed at heart's height and tongue-drying whispering mantra-mouthed.
Or perhaps you chose to go spiritually commando; certain that you can by force of will,
channel your mind to flow out into nothingness. 

Sit, and wait, and see if the vastness throws treats.
And sometimes, yes,
and sometimes, it's just a trail of blood with no tasty fish to nourish,
and you find that the blood is your own and it is for you to follow to find the source to try to stop it
and all you did, dear lotus child, was everything right, except for that one time in the past when...

and all those one times are waiting like predators in the darkest parts of your oceanic heart-mind to swallow you
back to Wholeness. 

pennies

Most days I am just throwing pennies in a well, some days I'm making wishes, certain in belief that if we all wished on it together it must come true, some days my wish is to believe and so my offering is like a prayer, a rendering and a wide look into an emptiness hoping that it is looking back, and somedays I am just throwing things desperately listening to find out how far it goes and how long before anything would finally reach bottom.

drunk

Don't take your love watered down when you can take it straight. Don't you know, instead of screaming at walls you could be singing to the stars right now and certain you can feel your lover approaching, from steps away to arrive at the perfect moment to meet you, where you are, just as love-drunk-fully-filled as you, and prepared to dawn with the sun.

Opportunity to grow

Every so often, there comes an opportunity to prove to yourself, merrily by way of continuing on, that you're far more invested in persisting despite the inconvenience of any circumstance or emotional reality. You can take the opportunity or you somehow circumvent the experience of it all and repeat yourself, in cycles of avoidance, ducking and weaving, and lose out on the gift that comes when you face what you thought you could not but you knew you would have to if you were to be the person you had hoped to be. If you choose to take it, Every day that the distance grows between you and your comfort zone will be hard but gradually easier. Keep going. Because you've already been where you've been before, and it hurt worse than this. The best days are ahead. Go. Come, we'll go together.

What I would say if my daughter was gay

Baby, I can't say that I've ever been one to put two and two together. Or to even know the difference between one and one because, baby; I don't know if you know but I've been a fan of this one and that one myself. So, this all sound right and good to me.

All I can say is I hope to God(dess), dear babe, that by the time you read this, things are different and that I'll never have to pretend to understand why some people do the way they do. I have a feeling that I'm going to want to give you a world that makes sense, but I can't. And how people act is one thing that doesn't always make sense. There's no sense in unlove when love is all we got.

Baby love, if it's the way I've know, they are going to try to engage you; like you're at battle, because they say people who love like you didn't come in two when Noah put the arc together. And they'll act like there is some war going on that you can't see, like some epic battle movie and you're the one the audience of God and all of heaven is rooting against, and They are out there in their heavenly robes throwing popcorn at the screen, aiming at you and flipping you off, and joking mean, your whole life long. They will try to sit you down and tell you all about it, but you can't see a thing. You can't see it, baby because it isn't real. The war, the movie. None of it is real. Don't you let them make you believe.

I hate saying it, and I hope I am wrong, (you go ahead and prove me wrong), but there are times when you're going to fall for it.  There are times when you're going to feel like God/Goddess and all of Heaven is flipping you off. There are times that you're going to wish you weren't you, and that there must've been some mistake in your coming to be. But hear me baby and remember this, you are the result of an unbroken chain of events that leads back to the very beginning of creation and there is no mistake in you, because in you can only be the most perfect substance that is the substance of everything, love it's self.  

Love is all there is baby. So you get out there and you love as many people as your heart can manage to hold.  And you hold as many people as your arms can manage to fit. And you forgive as many people as your spirit can because they are your kin, but they don't know what you know. They don't have the vision you got. They have been living war scenes and dividing up battle grounds for too long. Their eyes see division and only as far as the movie plot. You must keep a wide gaze. You must practice at taking the long view because if you don't you might start living out your own movie baby. There are lots of people living out plot lines and battle lines. I want more for you, with all that love in you. You have to remember all can be traced back to that one source, and now you know its name and you mustn't forget, just as you mustn't forget your own. So if they try to engage you, you just bless them and walk baby, because we were all born in the cradle of creation together. It's just like the prayer, baby; "As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be."  We are together and our name love.  That's what's real baby;  Love, Don't answer to anything less.

star burst

This morning I feel a new universe within me ready to explode like a star just wished on and truly believed in. Maybe that was god, in the beginning, the first to believe so much in the bettering of everything as to wish so hard that she herself broke open to give way to her own wish fulfillment. May we all ascent to our divinity and burst like stars onto eternal and ever deepening fulfillment.

feelings

Sometimes I can trace a feeling like a kite string soaring up into the clouds or a line plunging into the depths of the sea. Only so far, only so far, and then.... I wonder at it, where it would take me, if I would follow through the unclear, uncertain. I imagine it opens wide and spacious and somehow empties out into the same vast peaceful ocean. I'm sure I saw it once in a dream. Ever since then I had hoped for a heaven like that. Even still, I can't seem to muster the courage to sit with insecurities long enough to even feel a tug on the cord or for the kite to catch any real wind worth a damn, though every string would lead me to a world nicer than the short cramped heavy-hearted places I've known.

Trust Transforms

Wherever trust is strong, there is still a kind of magic, a shift, a moon-tide pull. Because I'm here, I'm here, and I can't help but change the course of things with my being. Let us shift, to accommodate, and let us trust in accommodation. Pull as the moon pulls and be pulled in, in turn and take ease in the thing. It will all be a great relief,when all is done in turn, in the time allotted. Natural to you is the magical pre-spoken primal trust before we learn anything about belief or unbelief. There is a being and a knowing that is beyond all of this. Return like the tide, and turn the tide in turn. Simply, the heartbeat, ba-ba, the breath, in, out, you are following a natural rhythm. So stop the complication, follow the rhythm, sha-sha, dance moonwise rhythm, sha-sha, and we will be carried and we will direct as we will, and sha-sha, sha-sha. So mote it be.

Fathers' Day

To the paternal energy everywhere serging, flowing, nurturing, sustaining. Thank you for your abundance, generosity, courage & mercy. Thank you for moving through me as a supportive and compelling force directing me onward and ever onward toward manifesting the gifts that you've enfolded within me. Father, Nameless and primal as my heartbeat, thank you for the kindness and beauty of this life, and for counting me a part of creation. For all you've given, we give you back this day, and thank every one that holds a likeness of you.
Happy Fathers' Day to every person who generously nurtures, sustains, encourages, and reminds another human being that this life is kind & beautiful and that she is an important and beloved part of it all. It's an honor to share this life with you. Thank you.

to live, Love anything

Fear, despair are like the bulky clouds, covering us all over. Remember it is not as if the sun, like Love, dies, or fades, or fails to sustains us, though we cannot see it, or feel the immediacy of its heat.

Of course beneath the cloudy illusion the sunlight of love continues even as the clouds darken everything and make it appear as though variations of dark painful feelings are the only ones to feel and greys the only colors on the vast and various earth. 

No dears, these clouds are just resting here. They've come to take holiday in this region for a time; to see the liberty statue and the lovely park that was once a lovely garbage dump that we are so proud of here on Staten Island. But the sun remains behind it all. 

Remember that same sun guided the soft earth lovingly through years of being dumping Ground to manifest its vision of being a park for leisure and rest. And that Light has endowed the Statue of Liberty's torch to guide the lost to foundness once. Even now we must believe, that torch inspires something inside; revealing to our own spirits a vision of a new dream of America better than the one we left behind. 

But on the dark days, what we keep forgetting is that the light is always lit from the inside. Our own hearts are our home.
The world will go grey, and the dream will be confused and dismal, and there will be years when your land is famous for its dumping ground. But my love, this sun will not stop. 
Because we have loved every day. Every day I have looked into eyes familiar and I hear words kindly spoken off guard on days when I was ready to put down this torch and give up on even looking up to see if a change was going to come.
 But then when you feel arms wrap you, even if only in a memory almost long forgot, there will be a reason why the sun feels too good to not wait for it to come around again. And girl, the outside sun will come again. It must. Because love is like that, and its everywhere. It's your own heart. It's all you got.
 That's the part they don't say. I've felt that sun inside hot and it beats hard when you remember to love anything at all.
Sweetheart, just find some one, some thing, anything and love it hard. With no requirement. Just for your sake. Like the way you water a flower. Or watch out for an animal to make sure it crosses a road safely. Love for its sake. It'll keep you warm.

Blemish

This morning I woke with a blemish (I think that's what the fancy ladies call it, In my day it was a pimple). Regardless, somewhere I learned that I should not show it to you but I did not take to the lesson or its logic because faces make blemishes with some regularity and as far as I can tell we all have faces that function similarly, And so are we to be ashamed for having faces? So instead I say, look at the fine blemish I created and how effortlessly that I created it while sleeping! Imagine that! I mean, how many things do you create while sleeping? No wonder I decide to be proud of it. It's a fine one I think, fine as any I've seen. And I bet it marks just exactly the place that some loved one has kissed. In fact, I'm certain that it has come to surface to remind me. Maybe my skin longs for that kiss again and it's reaching out for those lips. Maybe the lips of one who has passed. And so who can blame that soft skin, the way it reaches for the softness. The body remembers and the body longs for a body that it has never forgotten and never quite disconnected from. Yes in the end, we are all the same and all still connected and so if my body should reach out for yours, or yours for mine in any manor with kindness even in this strange subtle manor, let it not be a shame. If your face rise up to meet mine whether lips to lips or otherwise let it rise and if I am able our faces will meet. For I am certain that everything is an expression of love somehow. And for this, of being a part of this, I am proud. Or maybe it's just a pimple. What ever. We are all still beautiful and need love all the same and I don't mind if you see.

She

In my speech, the default is she. Because I am a woman and I should be at the center of my own generalized perspective. I get to be the center of my own world. You don't need to take that as a personal offense, but you can if you want to. It is remarkable to think that me being the center of my own world is actually revolutionary and the converse to our language and thereby our cultural thought. Every woman in our culture has been taught to think by a man's perspective. Every woman has been viewing the world through the eyes of someone else. We have no idea what it is like to be at the center of our own lives, generally speaking (literally). We literally don't even have the words to speak it. Well, now she does.

Atheists for God (for Love)

Sisters, brothers and all the divine queer undefinable in between, if you hear me, The next time you say your name, speak it like it's the name of God(dess) because it is. You can be nothing but God(dess), what else can there be? And what is God(dess) but another name for love, and if it is anything other than love, then it is time we reconsidered the concept of divinity and became atheists guided only by the signs and symbols which the heart recognizes as kindnesses between souls.

Little Jewel

The unique prism of your jeweled being is set upon this earth to reflect the light uniquely, in a way only you can, in a shape, pattern, form, that can only happen upon this earth once. You will speak the glory of what the light can make and there is no mistake in your unique nature. The light will shift through you in endless permutations. Try not to make a home in any one pattern or shape. Each will change into a new beautiful still-changing thing which will again come and pass beautifully through this world of endlessly changing forms.
So You do not like this about your life, your body, you partner? Take heart. The light shifts through each divine jewel, each perfect and the next facet might prove to suit you better than this.
Until then, find the common loveliness if you can. Find the light that streams through it all. See everything illuminated. Beautiful in its way.
Love illuminates so that you can see all the beauty of the thing if you choose to see, if you look long and deep.
And do you imagine yourself the exception? Hardly friend, you are illuminated and are illuminating those around you and in case, if you cannot see or do not dare, I tell you, you are ravishing.
When you are able to know your substance as the same light as the stars and shifting as the seasons then you will know the freedom to direct the light through whatever facet pleases you best.

You've always been illuminated from within. You are made of divine love and beautiful stuff and cannot help but glow. By nature you are a treasure of unnamed worth and so shift as you like, explore your own shimmering being, you are invited to do so, but know change will lead on to change, only the light is constant and to me you are stunning and beloved all the same. And so gratefully together may we shine in our way, in whatever way brings us peace.

Embodied

I stand tall and walk unapologetically with short shorts and a bikini top on the boardwalk, asking for nothing but for the sunlight to touch my skin and the breeze to cool me down. Gaze if you choose, or don't; either way, I move contented. I was not born for you to affirm or deny with a glance. I was made to enjoy this earth, this life. If you should appreciate my form, and if it should bring a smile, let it be. I am in no way to deny a smile to anyone. But I assure you, friend, if once you learned my name and spoke a sentence toward me of worth, I should have offered you a great deal more substantial a moment. There is such abundance beneath the surface of people, do not underestimate any body. Sisters, can you hear me also? Do not underestimate, however beautiful you may be, more beauty still lies within each, of this I am certain. I've yet to find an exception, even in strangers' eyes I see, I know I see.

Bloom

I see now a rose in the center of an intersection in full bloom and I can't help but notice how the cars do their best to drive around it. Even now I know everyone holds in their heart A love of beauty that they can't avoid even at their hardest, even when they hurt the most. Even then they can't be the one- the first to crush the bloom; no one has a heart made of that. And in secret I expect that some even wish that it was left for them. I could have taken it, friend I might have, I'm wild like that, but no dear one; I left it for you to prove to you that you have a heart as soft as a bloom in traffic and that everyone can be trusted even on the worst day, with your sweetness and I adore you, I am your admirer and I left it there for you to find. I hope you find it pristine, soft, full of life and It calls to you, reminding you how beautiful and soft and precious you are and how lovely this life is and that I'm grateful to share with you.

Mothers' Day

We are all just moving to the flow of creation which moves us toward. And Toward, I keep walking and now I see the lovely Gentleman who works at the health food store rushing out to greet me, his name -Spence. Spencer as given by his adored mother and he is sure to send love and a particularly large hug to mine every time we meet. Today is his birthday, on Mother's Day, and he rushes to give me a hug. He's the sort of man who never hesitates to wrap you in his arms even when you carry with you a face full of New York. And he calls me to it- why such an angry face? He asks. Truth is, I've no idea why, I've just taken to it the way one assumes a lean while waiting for a bus even if ones body isn't tired and is fully capable of an upright posture. I'm actually content.
I tell him I was just waiting for his hug which instantly brightens up the whole sky, and the sun did break free at that moment of his embrace, and I tell him we were all waiting for him so we can break free, and so he was born today and I am glad that he was, and I told him so. I am glad that he was and I am glad that we were born from our mothers on any day and reborn on any day that we choose to live again. Today I have chosen with your help, to live, and every day that anyone reaches out and calls to me with arms and with words, thank you for calling me back, you have rebirthed me, from some unconscious resting posture which would have me miss the beauty of now. You remind me of the sweetness of this life and so now I choose it again. And again.

love is the law

The only law is to love and you do not speak the law, or demand it, you recite it, or sing it, like a song or a poem and you know you have broken the law the way you know you have broken a rhythm. You feel off, lost. You lose the next step, the next word, the track skips, your heart falters over its next beat. It's as if you have come to the end of the line of a poem then you lose your place on the page. All of a sudden, you find yourself making it up, standing alone, going off book- panic. You've lost the beauty of your words, and the flow, and now they sound harsh and loud and hard. It's ok. It happens. Breathe. To find your place again, stop, quite down, you'll feel the beat within you. You'll find you, there and it's all you, just you. Just breathe and put your hand on your heart. Feel it? There you are sweetheart. Home, safe. The only law is love, and you are love. So you just be you, you just do you, you just breath and feel your precious heartbeat, and you'll be alright.

evolve on

Come now, don't tease yourself. Today is nothing like yesterday, or the day before. We must be getting immensely stronger with every passing day that we choose to smile and continue on instead of fall to bits. I've known you from creation (yes YOU!) and I'm certain You've grown rather large since that one cell I once rested beside and all because we, you and I, insisted that we should continue on, and onward we go. For the mere experience of the thing, let's see what more we can become from here....

Found adrift

Today might be hard friend, there may be moments that you prefer would go quicker, and maybe whole hours that you would wish wouldn't happen at all. But tucked in those moments, and filling in the seconds cuddling close in the minutes of those hours, I'll open up the doors, and curl back the shades, and kiss your brow to remind you-there are whole generations, and a whole universe loving you through this. This. This little second. And can you not see me now? Even now as I make softer the seat cushion beneath your seat so you could feel that the world is a gentle one? Then just feel instead, or look instead, or hear instead, and everywhere waits someone or something in some form eager to love you in its way.
And in this way, we are loved in moments and ferried from one cool uncertain shore of our morning to the next, accompanied always, and guided softly by a gentle rocking of some subtle way we cannot perceive from our stance.
And so, dearest love, though we think we may be fearfully going adrift, sit close. Then what does it matter if now and again we forget our way, if together we are loved through and through?

Humanly lovable like you

Tonight I am going to bed feeling blessed and lucky that I am myself and so Well loved. Thank you, to whomever it applies, for loving me. I feel it so deeply tonight. It soothes me more than I can express and I am so grateful for your loving. I feel So truly gently unquestionably loved, as I am. And I know it is not for lack of being known in my humanness.
I know that many of you know, and I want all of you to know in fact, so that you may know me better, and never think me better or more perfect than the imperfectly lovable being I am, that I do, have, and do, struggle with an eating disorder.

Some days are harder than others but your love heals me and makes all days easier and for it, on every day I am grateful. And so, on Facebook, the virtual land of concealed flaws, best shots, perfect angles, and selfies depicting our perfect selves i vulnerably offer you this, my self as I am, skin and bones, and unfortunately, as I am sure you've noticed, in some pictures quite literally.
Eating disorders are not disorders of vanity. For me at least it is a struggle with my sense of deserving a place on this earth and feeling safe to exist here. It's a strange and complicated disorder that is more than some teenage fantasy for a smaller and smaller dress size. It is an anxiety over the fact of existence, a question of one's worthiness to take in resources and participate in the flow of life at all.
When you love me you invite me into the flow of life, you affirm that I am not only worthy but welcome on this earth. Your love heals me in ways I am not yet able to express.
So if you know anyone who suffers from any trouble of heart or disorder of mind or body, and dear friends, who does not? Love them, love them hard, but softly- you know how I mean, incessantly, endlessly, but with great slack and understanding. Love truly is the only healing force on this earth. By love alone, we live.

love-filled

It's not so much that I have gotten lost as that I have decided instead to be less confident in the degree to which I am completely founded; or what I am founded upon. I am rightly confounded. The more days that pass I am certain only that I am a beating heart in the emotional sense of a love-filled loving thing that just keeps on loving in its way. "In its way" is the real point, you see, it's that that makes all the difference between us. In fact, it is that which account for the difference between any of us at all I should say.

There you are, going about yourself in your way, and here I am in my way, and we are all made of love, loving about, and all the difference is in our way of loving. And God-help-me if I don't make a mess of it now and then, in my blessed endearing terrible lovely way. But here I go, as you go, no doubt, no better or worse; lovely sloppily, neatly, carefully, too carefully at times, an carelessly on some days, and sometimes in long stretches and even seasons or years at a time. The point really is, there isn't anything too grand to worry about.
Yes, I suppose that must be the point. With the substance being the same, it's all really just a matter of style, and there is no accounting for trends and stylistic sway.
Just love on, dear soul. It's what you're made of, there's nothing more or less of you, and there's not a thing else to do. And you do it beautifully after all. I love you.

Rise

Happy Easter beautiful ones.
May you rise from your many dying, life draining parts and patterns still rotting in funeral shroud and leave them behind to be mourned on some darker day. And rise now, rolling back what ever covers your hearts tomb to rise again and allow the flow of life through.
Let love move through here, through our body frames and illuminate our dark insides and whatever lies with in & with in them.
Be illuminated like the moving pictures. Let's see it in your eyes starlit like your mother said they once were, or was it your lover who told you?
When was the last time you gave someone something sparking to look at and had the courage to let them stare?
Beautiful one, I miss your eyes, please undrape and come out from the dark. And I'll wait, even years, with hope of a new happier life that seems as yet impossible in loft of happiness and brightness given the dark we've known. But outside the cave, at intervals, forgive me if my waiting yields to screaming and pushing and pushing. I know there's light out here and I want you to know that.
The truth is we are always and always waiting to push back the new cave door within ourselves, mourning desperately the one within and waiting to enfold them in our arms once again and always. Or waiting always and desperately to open up another part of ourselves to receive love fearfully that another part may see it in the light and love it.
We are all engaged in an endlessly love affair, with Spring tempting winter out of its clothing and so on and so forth. How can I not get so wrapped up if the whole world is wrapped itself? And so I ask, universe undrape me, as you melted the snow and shaken the leaves, shake out the death from my hips and the cold from my wrists. Make me hot as breath on a lover's neck in a subway in July. I'm done with careful icy step and thickened garb. I want to dance and I want you there too. Here comes the sun.

Proudly broken

The really interesting thing about honesty is that one always wants to appear honest, and will in fact go to great lengths to appear so, without ever really wanting to trouble themselves with the actual, real, terrifying, inconvenient, gritty, danger of the thing. The really unfortunate thing about honesty is, without it, their is very little substance to relationships, hope for healing, or any real sense of purpose to living at all. So it is only to the degree that one has the courage to be honest; and really this means vulnerable enough to be visibly flawed, can one have any hope for a sense of meaning in this life. So in short; show us your cracks, your chips, your jagged edges and lets us love how lovely a shape you make. Let your presence make it permissible to be equally jaggidly chippy cracked whenever you come our way. Be the permission to be, as we are, peacefully, contentedly, authentically, honestly, that we have all been hoping for. Be freely, courageously, frightfully, unabashedly broken- here, i'll show you how...

i hope you feel my love..

The kindest decision I ever made for myself was to stop keeping track of all I had lost. The choice was made mostly for the efficacy of the matter. I mean, who had the time and the commitment, and how exactly does one measure the lack, the empty spaces, that imprint in that heart and demonstrate in the world as the space between a reaching hand and an unreachable thing? And the cruelest choice I keep making is to lose track of all of the love I have in my life and all the kindness offered to me endlessly. I guess this is whatever amounts to the winnings in life? And I could say it is not accounted for, or kept track of due to the same strain of laziness that lets the other end fall to the wayside, but the truth is, i have no idea how to say thank you. I have neither the measuring tool to account for the love and kindness, nor the language of gratitude for properly meeting it, nor true understanding of why it should be offered to me, personally. And therein lies the confusion-- It is not personal. None of this is personal! If I can clarify anything for you beautiful soul of mine, within, and without of me, it is that none of this is personal. We are bits of ourselves, loving ourselves in the form of others. Let it be as personal as that. So let you thank you and let you forgive you, and let the accountants only mind the accounts. Your precious heart was not made for accounting. Only for finding and growing in and out of itself and loving onward, forever and ever. Amen.
And if it matters at all to you, my precious capitalist friend, I have the suspicion, if we had kept track, we would be immensely ahead in our winnings. Because I know confidently that in the end, we will rest comfortably and assuredly in loving arms.

on my own...

Oh hey, anyone up for remaking their core wounds voluntarily in the context of the dating scene? Abandonment, codependency, fears of inadequacy, power struggles, trust issues, insecurity of all kinds? No? Right! Because it sucks. So I'm on my own again in the eternal ouroboric love affair of my mythical divine nature, loving, nurturing, forgiving my precious fumbling well intended and endearingly delusional human self. Sacred unhinged miraculous jaw to snake ass, may I find satiation in my hunger for what ever it is I am craving, that brought me and brings me endlessly to the meeting points of existence and makes me choose life again and again with the longing for more.

you rock

Right now, it feels like this. What "it" is and what "this" is remains unclear and unknown. But what is known about both is that both are shifting constantly so as to make them both eternally elusive to any sort of actual reason or measurable comprehension but somehow my very Identity, my construction of coherent selfhood as a consistent being depends on the momentary shifting elusive inconsistent reality of both. How we exist even a moment without being in awe of ourselves is beyond me. In brief, you rock.

Good morning

Let's do it new now, like it's never been done, never exactly like this before. Let's do this day honestly, Like we don't know how it goes, because honestly we don't and we never did. We just forget that fact because it's too scary to remember. So it starts like this, we open our eyes and we pretend to see things and then all the little things become clearer and clearer and little by little as we notice all the in between and in between in betweens and the creases of faces smiling and the birds tuck-tuck-tuck in wingfolds we fall in love with the thing and we love and love, and breathe, don't forget to remember that you are constantly breathing and we love and breathe and love and breathe our way back to right here together and pretend that we knew how we got here or how any of that was done when it was all and always a crazy mystery that keeps happening and we ourselves, a miracle.

I love

I promise to go only willingly and not dutifully to the things I love with love. I love respectfully and honestly, trying only to wipe the dirt from my eyes to see clearer and clearer what is before me. I love not Purposefully or with some plan in mind. I never knew pottery or sculpting and you are not my clay, I am not your God, or your mother to raise, or shape you in anyway.
I know I want to love the way the sun loves; the way it shines on everything equally so that everything can be seen fully for all that it is without apology for what it is, knowing that what it is, is enough if only it would be seen fully brightly with as many eyes as it could. For all I love , I wish you the brightest light to be seen in all of your truth by as many eyes that can truly see and understand the beauty of what you contain within and glowing with out of your skin.

But most I hope you do not blind yourself by your own light, and in those momentary splotches of pure black that come with that blindness of a light so bright that your eyes cannot attune, you mistake yourself
For nothing. In truth you were more than even you could perceive in the moment. Trust me, I know. I know your magnificence, and even I don't know how much. Because you have yet to fully reveal yourself. But even so, of what I know i've become a great great believer in the light. And for that I'm grateful I'm grateful I'm grateful

Dance like...

Dance like you're pretending that you don't see anyone watching, but you know they're watching, oh... don't you worry, they're watching, so you better d.d.d.rop it. ;) or dance like everyone else is dance so I guess I should dance, or like wobble, or what ever. Because I just kind of want to feel a part of something. Or dance like, no one's dancing, This is a supermarket/clothing store but I love this song, so I'm totally going to dance- yep it's happening, it's happening right the f now.

Love like "you better love me back this way because I deserve this, and let me show you how well I deserve to be loved" then love so damn hard that your heart feels like it has a heart within itself loving itself. Yeah love deep and weird like that. love so hard that it's weird. :) love so hard that you start loving yourself more for how much you love. Like damn you're so damn lovable for your loving and start loving you for your own loving.
Love like- why the hell not? Is this life better lonely?
Sing like you don't actually think you're freaking amazing singing that particular song.
Sing like- I like it- I like it even if it's a terrible ungodly sound. sing like the more ungodly it is, the more you find it amusing, and laugh your butt off. And let everyone else laugh too. The older I get the more I realize the transformational, healing magic in anything that makes me laugh. So make me laugh with whatever ungodly sound you make. And if you're blessed heal me with whatever beautiful sound you make. But good God give me song.
And live like you believe that you're the one person on this whole earth that got it figured out. Like you got this. And even if you don't you have the audacity to live this day anyway. Somehow you're going to keep on living without any freaking clue what you're doing here or how to do it. Bravo my friend. That is courage. And you find a way to do it every damn day. Bravo.